Gundam I
by KennethDuel
Summary: The Year is AC 240 and the gundam pilot are 60 years old


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam or any characters in this fic.  
  
AN: parts of this are really old so don't blame me if they don't make sense. R&R please.  
  
The year is After Colony 240, and war engulfs Earth and the colonies, the Gundam pilots are around 60 years old, which is far too old to be running around saving the world. So they just sit around doing nothing all day.  
  
The Gundam pilots have all changed. Heero is almost completely blind, Duo has white hair down to his ankles, Trowa well Trowa couldn't get any weirder so besides gray hair nothing different, Quatre has dentures, and Wufei who had a receding hairline at the age of 15 now is completely bald.  
  
"What do you all want to do? I'm so bored," sighed Duo.  
  
"Let's see, how about a nice game of war?" asked Quatre as he shuffled a deck of cards.  
  
"War! That game is for is for sissies," cried duo.  
  
"If you ask me," whined Wufei, "I'm sick and tired of sitting around and doing nothing while people are trying to destroy the colonies."  
  
"I know how you feel," replied Trowa, "but what can we do to stop it?"  
  
"I don't know, something."  
  
"I have an idea." Heero spoke up, starling everyone, "let's build a Gundam. All five of us."  
  
"Hey that's a good idea Heero."  
  
"Well than, if you two are finished," Trowa interrupted, "tell me this, where are we going to make the Gundam? We need a hangar."  
  
"Well," replied Heero, " I just happened to have come across an old hangar."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Well then, if that's settled let's go," gasped Quatre as he tried to get out of his rocking chair.  
  
"Finally, something to do," cheered Duo as he leaped, or as close as you can to leaping at his age, off the he was resting on.  
  
So the five of them got into Heero's car and after running over 10 mailboxes, three fire hydrants, and into two trees, Heero drove what was left of the car straight through the hangar door.  
  
"Nice landing Heero," Wufei whined flatly.  
  
"Thanks Wufei."  
  
"Cah ahyone fie hy hentures," mumbled Quatre, since his dentures had fallen out in the crash.  
  
"Yeah they're attached to my braid." Yelled Duo.  
  
After they got the crash out of the way and took their afternoon pills. They began to explore the hangar.  
  
"Hey Heero, where did you get this hangar anyways?" Quatre asked.  
  
"I got it when Doctor J kicked the bucket, may he rest in pieces."  
  
Wufei was looking around the on the east wall when he found a door marked POWER ROOM. When he opened the door over a hundred bats flew out of the room. "Get them out of my hair, Get 'em out of my hair!" Wufei screamed.  
  
Duo just walks up, puts a hand on his shoulder, and says, "Wufei you don't have any hair."  
  
"Oh yeah, my bad."  
  
"What's in here anyways?"  
  
"I don't know but it's marked power room, so I opened the door and whoosh bats everywhere."  
  
"Let's have a look shall we."  
  
So they both went in and looked around, and finally got the lights working.  
  
A little bit later they all met back at the main hangar.  
  
"So," Duo said, "where are we gonna get the Gundanium for this."  
  
"Well, we'll have to buy it off of a mining satellite, idiot." Heero said as he whacked Duo over the back of the head.  
  
"Who's gonna go buy it?" Trowa asked.  
  
Suddenly all eyes fell on Quatre. "Okay, Okay, you got me pinned." He said, "How much do we need?"  
  
"Better get all you can get."  
  
"OK."  
  
It took Quatre 4 tries because he kept on getting the wrong metal. But when he finally got it right they began to design and build the Gundam.  
  
"First," Heero said, "we need five weapons."  
  
"One of them has to be Vulcan Cannons, right Heero?" Trowa asked.  
  
"Right."  
  
"How about chest machine guns?"  
  
"OK, next how about a double buster cannon we'll put it in his hands." Heero said.  
  
"Now wait just one damn minute. I say we put it on his back." Wufei Exclaimed.  
  
"No, in his hand."  
  
"On his back."  
  
"In his hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Back."  
  
"Hand."  
  
"Now wait a sec both of you," Quatre piped in, "how about we just give it heat shoutels."  
  
"Shut up!" both Heero and Wufei yelled in unison.  
  
As their argument continued, Trowa turned to Duo and said, "How long do you think this will last?"  
  
"I have no idea."  
  
After a while Trowa had had enough, " Shut up! Before I backhand the both of you. Now, let Heero put the cannon in its hand and Wufei you can put something else on it."  
  
"Okay." Wufei whined.  
  
"What do you want to put on it?"  
  
"How about a Beam Trident."  
  
"Okay, what's next?"  
  
No one could think of anything, when all of a sudden Milliardo walked in through the still destroyed hangar door.  
  
"I heard you were making a Gundam over here. So I came to help."  
  
"How did you find out we are making a Gundam, Zechs?"  
  
"Well," he replied, "some blabber mouth old man with white blond hair told the miners."  
  
All eyes again turned to Quatre.  
  
"Whoops."  
  
"OK, Zechs," Heero said as he walked over to greet him, "we need one more weapon. Any ideas?"  
  
"How about a Heat Whip?"  
  
"Good Idea."  
  
"Next we need five non-weapons, and one must be boosters."  
  
"How about Hyperjammers?"  
  
"Ok, next?"  
  
"How about Arm Extensions?" Wufei said sniffling.  
  
"Will that make you happy Mr. Cry baby?"  
  
"Very."  
  
"Good next I'll add a Buster Shield and Wings, if that's ok with everybody."  
  
"Agreed." Everyone replied.  
  
"OK then," Heero said smiling which made everyone fall over laughing, "Hey, shut up," Heero yelled kicking Duo in the shin which sent him wailing in pain, "I said shut up!" He repeated kicking Trowa in the crotch, which just made everyone else laugh more.  
  
After he got everyone quiet, Heero said, "OK, as I was saying. Now it's time to start the construction of the Gundam. The actual building of the Gundam went without any problems, except for the fact that Wufei kept changing the blueprints to read that the cannon was on its back.  
  
Their next task was to find a pilot, so they each went to their own Lagrange point, except for Milliardo who went to Earth, and looked for pilots. They each brought back around 100 qualified pilots. Now they had to determine which one was the right one.  
  
First they took the 600 pilots and gave them a test that about 100 of them fail. No coincidence that most of the 100 came from the L4 point.  
  
After that they went through a strategic obstacle course, which knocked about 250 of the pilots out.  
  
Next there was a harder test, which knocked out 200 pilots.  
  
There were 50 pilots left so each went through battle simulations against a computer. That knocked out 40 pilots. Then the last 10 went through a harder simulation, which knocked out 8 more, leaving 2 pilots left, so they faced off in a one on one simulation against each other.  
  
Once it was over one of the virtual suits had been totaled, but he other was hardly touched. When the pilots got out they ran to the winner and asked him what is name was and where he was from.  
  
"My name is Dimitri Arnold Minio Nematride, and I'm from L3."  
  
After he finished Heero, Duo, Quatre, Wufei, and Milliardo, all grumbling, reached into their pockets and pulled out fifty-dollar bills and set them in Trowa's waiting hand.  
  
"Well Dimitri, " Heero began, "your codename will be D.A.M.N."  
  
All the Gundam pilots clapped and then led him to the hangar where the Gundam was kept.  
  
"How do you like it?" Heero asked, "We made it for all types of combat, but you can have anything changed if you want."  
  
After Heero was finished Trowa stepped forward, "As you can see its weapons are a Double Buster Rifle in its right hand; a Heat Whip in its left hand. It also has Vulcan Cannons on its head: on its back is a Beam Trident. Finally, it has Chest Machine Guns."  
  
Then Trowa stepped back and Milliardo stepped forward, "The five Non weapons include Booster on its back, Hyperjammers on its shoulders, Wings on its back, and a Buster shield on it's left arm."  
  
"It also has Arm Extensions!" Wufei blurted out before he could finish.  
  
"Yes, it also has Arm Extensions," Milliardo finished deftly stepping on Wufei foot in the process.  
  
Wufei covered up his mouth in an attempt to keep from screaming, but it did not help, and he ended up letting out a high-pitched scream, and then quickly received glares from the other pilots.  
  
"You had better get going, if you want to complete your first mission."  
  
"We'll supply you with ammunition, mission objectives, and passage to the airlock."  
  
They loaded the Gundam onto the carrier and drove it to the airlock. Of course, some idiot let Heero drive again. This time he hit 2 cars, 20 mailboxes, a stop sign, and almost destroyed the whole colony by driving the carrier through the airlock. Luckily, the guards shot the tires and the carrier flipped over.  
  
"Heero, have you ever considered getting glasses?"  
  
"Never!" Heero exclaimed, "First it's the glasses, then a metal claw for a hand, and the next thing you know you're an old geezer sitting around doing nothing but building Gundams."  
  
"Heero that is what you are."  
  
Heero thought for a minute, then defeated, "OK, I'll get glasses."  
  
He gets into a randomly placed car sitting with its keys still in the ignition and drives down the street, turned to soon, and drove straight through a department store window.  
  
A random guard on duty who just happened to be the owner of the randomly placed car sitting with its keys still in the ignition ran out and began swearing at Heero.  
  
"Well D.A.M.N. we'll contact you," and with that he jumped into the Gundam and flew out the airlock. 


End file.
